A Western Warchild, part 2

Bosnia 1992-1995 from Midhat Mujkic

23 years have passed from the beginning of the genocide in Bosnia and wiping off my home country Yugoslavia (nowadays: Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Serbia, Montenegro, Macedonia and Kosovo) from the map.

24.05.1992 - was the day when my parents had gathered together with their families for a cup of strong afternoon coffee. Black gold was already served but non of them got a chance to sip it before the grenades and bombs started their rumble, blood started to spill, memories were destroyed from photo albums, school diplomas became meaningless and only F was left from families. For some not even that one F stood on its feet after the war that took three long years of torturing, raping and mass murdering. All that is still continuing in different form today, thanks to Deyton and world that messed things up so that it is almost impossible to go on because of the division of BiH into two different states where war criminals rule and where police arrests only Bosnian (catholics or muslims) people for all different reasons... By posting this picture here, with the legal Bosnian flag even I am now a criminal and a terrorist in the eyes of Nazi serbs and could be arrested on my next vacation. it is injustice. Genocide is still going on and world does nothing.

1. My grandma and grandma seven years after the war in front of their house 2. My house 3. Me (left) , my cousin Elma (right) and my mom at the refugee camp 4. My face on the Seura- magazine.

This is a cigarette holder (mustikla) my dad did on time period he went through different concentration camps. That time period was from 26.05.1992 to 01.10.1992, four months of surviving, torture, mass killings and hard work by digging new mass graves for your friends and family- maybe even yourself. Four months of not knowing if your family is still alive or not. I was a 1,5 years old baby back then hiding with my remaining relatives who were not killed because they managed to escape and my mum, who had just given birth to my first baby sister Elvira and walked 40 km's to the next save spot with us through mountains avoiding land mines, rapers and killers. Elvira lived her four first months as a refugee with us in cities Prijedor and Travnik in different cellars in constant hunger, fear and darkness, the first sounds she heard were not happy ones and she slept under the table on concrete floor.

Not all were that lucky. Some of them unlucky ones were my four uncles aged from 17 to 23 years, they all were tortured to death by serb forces. All in all, only this little town called Kozarac had 27 000 inhabitants who all were either killed or forced to a life of a refugee for the rest of their lives. Almost 95 % of all homes were distroyed and all mosques and catholic churches were bombed to the ground. All what was left were houses of serbs and their orthodox churches. We managed to escape to Karlovac to a refugee camp on 02.10.1992. That is when my dad saw her newborn for the first time and our family was reunited. Dad had changed so much both physically and mentally that I couldn't recognize him. Finally we got a flight to safe place called Finland 01.11.1992. 

Meanings of the days my dad had engraved:

24.05. - our house and Kozarac were attacked

26.05. - concentration camp Keraterm;

27.05. - concentration camp Omarska;

06.08. - some were moved to concentration camp Trnopolje, another to concentration camp Manjaca;

27.08. - UNHCR registered all in Trnopolje

17.06. - Elvira was born, the information he received on 01.10.92 through UNHCR

And how could we possibly forget it all? Especially when it is still going on... There is only one good thing in war, it is much harder to kill us all when we are all (2 millions) dispersed around the world.

More about this same subject, here: http://lolimte.blogspot.fi/2013/04/a-western-warchild.html

- Herminica

Beautiful spring / Kaunis kevät

Spring has been coming to Finland for almost three months now. It is fighting for its residence with autumn, winter and summer. This has been one thing that has always bothered be about Finland- there is no proper spring in here and spring is one of those things that I like. Birds singing, bright colours,  buds and opportunities, sunny days that cherish you and those refreshing drops of summer rain. Spring always means the start of summer holiday, joy and laughter, fulfilling your own desires with time, traveling and time for yourself. This year my spring has been special in many ways- in good and bad. Bad things are not worth remembering because doing so is already one form of bad and does not help in processing those things into desired direction. Good on the other hand is worth remembering. It helps you to charge your batteries, brings up the smile on your face, provides you with feelings of accomplishment and casts strength and belief in to the future. It calms down and gives energy and strengthens up your own path of choice just the way spring does.

Kevät tekee tuloaan Suomessa jo kohta kolmisen kuukautta. Se tappelee vuoron syksyn, kesän ja talven kanssa olemassaolostaan. Tämä on asia, joka minua on aina vaivannut Suomessa- täällä ei ole kunnon kevättä ja kevät jos mikä on minun mieleeni linnunlauluineen, kirkkaine väreineen, uuden elämän silmuineen, uusine mahdollisuuksineen, hellivine aurinkoisine päivineen ja raikkaine kesäropinoineen. Kevät tarkoittaa aina kesäloman alkua, iloa ja naurua, itsensä toteuttamista ajan kanssa, matkustelua ja omaa aikaa. Tänä vuonna kevääni on ollut monesta syystä ainutlaatuinen hyvässä ja pahassa. Pahaa en muistele nytkään, koska pahan muistelu on sitä itseään, eikä auta asioiden käsittelyssä ainakaan sinne suuntaan, johon on pyrkimys. Hyvää sen sijaan kannattaa muistella. Hyvän muistelu sekä lataa akkuja, tuo hymyn kasvoille, luo onnistumisen tunteita ja valaa voimaa ja uskoa tulevaan. Se rauhoittaa ja energisöi sekä eheyttää omaa valintaa positiivisella polulla, vähän niin kuin kevät itsekin.  

My own spring has begun probably as early as in last December when we escaped Finish Polar nights for one month (there are blog posts coming about that month and last summer too, I've had some issues with my hard disc). We were able to experience all seasons from flowery spring to stern frost of the winter and that harsh wind from the autumn. In addition to the trip I have strive for taking some time for myself even in the middle of the biggest rush. All rush and pressure I experienced almost led to the burnout. That is something that is against my life style and against all my habits to stress like that. Luckily I was able to find a piece within myself and clear my to do-list by following the lead of inner me and by being loyal to my own path and way of doing things. I have been painting, reading books, celebrating my small and forgotten birthday with my sister Sabina and celebrating others' birthdays too. I also saved one pearl of my life- a stray dog named Kida with my sister Sabina, started my internship among type 1 diabetes, continued exercising with new passion, operated my vision, took many Master's courses and got my Bachelor's degree out with total 253 ECTS.

Oma kevääni on alkanut luultavasti jo viime Joulukuussa kun lähdimme kuukauden reissuun pakoon Suomen jatkuvaa pimeyttä (tästä ja edellisestä kesäreissusta tulossa tänne taas tavaraa, ollut ongelmia kiintolevyn kanssa). Reissussa sai kokea kuukauden aikana kukkaisen kevään, tuiman talven pakkaset ja syksyn riepottelevan tuulen. Sen lisäksi olen pyrkinyt kesken kamalimman kiireenkin ottamaan aikaa itselleni. Helmikuussa olin tapojeni ja oman ikiaikaisen elämänasenteeni vastaisesti ajautunut tehtävien ja ympäriltä tulleen paineen vuoksi tilaan, jossa burnout kolkutteli ovella ja se näkyi ei vain henkisesti vaan myös fyysisesti. Onneksi rauhoittuminen luonnistuu minulta ja selvitin sekä pääni että to do-listani kunnialla seuraamalla sisintä ja ominta itseäni. Olen siis maalaillut, lukenut, viettänyt pienet unohdetut syntymäpäiväni siskoni Sabinan ja koiravauva Kidan kanssa ja juhlinut siinä sivussa muiden syntymäpäiviä. Pelastin myös yhden elämäni helmen- kulkukoiran siskoni Sabinan kanssa, aloitin työharjoittelun tyypin 1 diabeteksen parissa, olen liikkunut taas paljon, leikkauttanut näköni haukan näköä vastaavaksi ja niin suorittanut maisteriopintojani ja ottanut vihdoin ja viimein kandidaatin tutkintoni ulos 253 opintopisteellä. 

As you may notice I have been doing different things that have been helping either me or others and that if something is the best way to find that balance, where you can say that everything is ok not only in my life but also in others. The main thing is to stay on your own track and not to fight against the speed you are going nor trying to find short cuts or escape along the sides. If you mistake and choose one of these three acts you can be sure that the sand is going to sweep from under your feet. The advice I gave to myself was "Open your eyes you silly and you won't be gasping later".

Kuten huomaatte olen pyrkinyt tekemään erilaisia asioita, jotka auttavat joko minua tai muita ja se jos mikä on paras tapa saavuttaa se tasapaino, jossa voi sanoa, että nyt on taas kaikki hyvin sekä minulla että toisilla. Pääasia on pysyä sillä omalla polulla, ei tapella etenemisvauhdin kanssa tai pyrkiä oikomaan tai pakoon reunoja pitkin. Jos erehtyy johonkin näistä kolmesta, voi olla varma että maa vyöryy jalkojen alta pian. Minä sanoinkin itselleni että "Silmät auki hömelö aiemmin, niin ei tarvitse haukkoa myöhemmin."

- Herminica